Wembley Stadium - (Ass Mess): As the UK terrorism alert was raised to the highest 'critical' status short of 'imminent incoming airborne missile fired by Vladimir Putin' anti-terror police have warned the uber-tacky Diana concert at Wembley Stadium on Sunday 1st July is cancelled pending immediate arrest of the two changeling mobsters impersonating princes of the House of Windsor.
The ID fraudsters making a packet out of being Wills and Harry have calculated profits of £25 million each out of the Wembley gig including syndication rights and merchandising.
But during the twelve months that they were preparing their musical ego-fest anti-terror cops trailed their financial shenanigans, bank records, email and phone calls.
And last night's Central London car bombs were found to be linked directly to the ragbag of crack dealers and credit card skimmers who have been William's and Harry's personal lynch mob for the last three years.
Police sources say that a number of high-profile mobsters masquarading as bona fide rock musicians have been easily corralled into performing at the concert on Sunday "which means there will just be a lot less legwork to do to gather up all the bastards."
Elton John is 69.