Written by Skoob1999
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Topics: The Spoof, Mafia

Sunday, 11 October 2009

image for The British Connection - Mafia Ring Probed
Bonkettes Manager BT Bishop - Oops Wrong Story!

After a morning of dramatic dawn raids across the UK, Scotland Yard's top detective, Mycroft Holmes confirmed that the mafia had taken root in the UK.

Reputed mafia kingpin, Don Il Jaggedoni, formerly of south east London, was taken away in a police van. Jaggedoni stands accused of money laundering, using a fake tea tree oil business as a front.

The extent of mafia infiltration in the UK has staggered MI6.

"It's the omerta thing," MI6 Agent Jones Band told us. "They're a slippery bunch to deal with. Nobody says anything. Ever. And their consiglieri, QM, springs bail for mafiosi all the time."

What is known is that British mafiosi have taken to hanging out around Ali Bullo Kebab and Pizza outlets, making phone calls about 'shirts' and 'merchandise' and 'franchise' opportunities.

Brit mafioso (allegedly) Duncano Blancotetti was also arrested on a flying visit from his home in Savannah, Georgia, accused of running a ravioli smuggling business. He denied any involvement in mafia business and said he would make the judge an offer he wouldn't be able to refuse.

It is reported that there have been several overseas connections uncovered in the course of the investigation, principally in the USA. Sources are currently investigating suspects in Texas, South Carolina, Florida, California and New York.

Francis Onioni of San Francisco told us:

"They got nothin' on me. See my back? Pure fuckin teflon man."

A man identifying himself as Abel 'La Chupacabra' Rodriguez called our office in a state of vexation, saying:

"I ain't no Goddamned mafioso! I'm a Goodfella!"

More as we get it. When we get up from the mattresses.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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