Written by Skoob1999
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Saturday, 10 October 2009

image for Pompey Lil Makes 1,000th Court Appearance
A Spot Not A Million Miles Away From The Alleged Incident

Renowned Portsmouth prostitute Pompey Lil made her 1000th court appearance in the city today, accused of soliciting an American tourist.

It was alleged that Pompey Lil offered the tourist a spot of 'How's your father' up a back alley for a 'score.'

Smelling strongly of alcohol, and a tad unsteady on her feet, Pompey Lil denied mentioning anything about any 'how's your father' but admitted that she did offer a "service" to the visitor, adding that one of her neighbours was a qualified mechanic, who regularly "serviced" her.

Magistrates dismissed the case due a lack of evidence, and a failure to appear in court by the Crown's star witness, the American tourist.

A jubilant Pompey Lil tottered out of the court building in her impossibly high heeled shoes, and promptly offered this reporter a hand job for a tenner.

When asked to explain herself more fully she said:

"You know what a hand job is mush. It's a manicure innit!" before tottering off up the street drinking from a hip flask.

We traced the American tourist, who is a retired pirate and asked him if there was any truth in the Crown's allegations against Pompey Lil. Morse told us:

"I never had sexual relations with that woman."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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