Written by Gail Farrelly
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Wednesday, 27 June 2012

image for Spider-Man Ousted from NYC Gym Let's get physical. Without Spider-Man.

To many, he's the amazing Spider-Man. But he's not that amazing to the owners of a gym on the upper East side of Manhattan. They had given him a temporary pass to use the gym facilities, but they're not pleased with his behavior. They've confirmed what was only a rumor: that they've turned down Spidey for permanent membership.

These are the reasons they gave:

-- Spider-Man refuses to use the gym's front door. Instead, he insists on scaling the building on the outside (the gym is on the 36th floor) and then entering through a window.

-- He doesn't follow the dress code. Members are told to wear loose-fitting clothes. That's for health reasons. But Spidey insists on wearing his skintight costume, headgear and boots included. "He sweats buckets all over everything and everyone," a member complained.

-- No solicitation of any kind of business is permitted at the gym. However, Spidey, on a routine basis, has been handing out advertising flyers about his Broadway show.

-- He's argumentative. Spying the Green Goblin on a treadmill, Spider-Man snared him in a web and then pummeled him until he was almost unconscious. This demonstrated "lack of collegiality," said the gym owners.

Spider-Man is taking it all in stride, remembering Groucho Marx's comment: "I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member."

So there!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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