Written by Gail Farrelly
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Tuesday, 26 June 2012

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It's Spider-Man week in NYC. To celebrate, the world-famous Carnegie Deli has announced a special sandwich. It's called "The Spidey." At Grand Central Station yesterday the man himself talked about the sandwich and said he couldn't wait to dig his teeth into one. Here are a few of the ingredients and what Spider-Man had to say about each:

Ham: "Okay I admit it. I do ham it up just a bit. The ham is thinly sliced, though."

Swiss cheese: "It's stretchy and has holes. Looks a little like a web, y'know?"

Thinly sliced broiled fish: "Not my idea. It's just a bow to health-conscious Mayor Mike Bloomberg."

A freshly baked roll: "I roll with the punches; that's me, all right."

Horse radish sauce: "It's so sharp, it may bring tears to your eyes. Wear your shades. Just like me."

Chicken: "That's not me. It's just in there by popular demand."

Pickles and Peanuts: "Served on the side. In honor of my alter-ego, Peter Parker."

After the press conference at Grand Central, Spider-Man rushed off to the nearest Burger King, where he ordered himself two double cheeseburgers and fries.

Hmm. A good time to reminisce about the words of C.G. Jung: "You are what you do, not what you say you'll do."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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