Written by mikewadestr
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Tuesday, 5 June 2012

image for Mayor of New York Bans any Sweet drink over an Ounce
We are from the Planet Zeron and we will make you too fat to attack us.

New York City Mayor, NeverBloomed, who in all honestly from the looks of him has never had a piece of trans fat pass his lips, more or less a really Super Duper Big Gullapi, has now put into law that no one shall have a really supery sugary wonderful drink that is bigger than one ounce.

"I'm sick and tired of all these fucking fat people taking up more than two offices", lamented Mayor Bloomberg. "You have no idea how embarrassing it is to be 'butted' down into the vice mayor's office which has no Jacuzzi, no Starbucks and definitely no Ben and Jerry's".

"Daaayuuum! Half of New York City could qualify for a Macy's Parade float"

"Just look at me! Hell, I'm rich, I'm svelte and I can afford liposuction. I can afford twenty times Oprah Winfrey's personal trainers which is why I understand that the rest of you cannot. So I'm going to get all of you of your fat lazy assess to lose some fucking weight."

"Geez, every time that I fly over the Brooklyn Bridge in my tax payer paid helicopter I see the Brooklyn Bridge bowing downward into the East River, which will most likely become the Yeast River if the fucker ever breaks, either that or Jaws 22".

The new law in NY City is quite simple as everyone is allowed a one ounce super sugary drink every day which ironically will have a 20 dollar tax levied on it. The tax is supposed to go into a fund to cure Wall Street Bankers from the horrors of losing money in beach front property on Saturn's East side where the E Street Ringers will be backed up by the Pluto Plate Tectonics.

Hey! The Plate Tectonics are the biggest band south of Alpha Centauri! It is rumored that Justin Bieber will be their lead freezer.

In other news, Ethiopian president Aaahhhhmadd Aaahhhmadd has announced that poor people will all be limited to one ounce of dirt a day.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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