Written by TAR
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Topics: Rosie O'Donnell

Sunday, 18 December 2011

image for Rosie Explains The "Twitter Leak"
OMG, A FRIGGIN BAR FLY!

"I feel like a friggin super carpet muncher!" says Rosie O'Donahue, bursting with gay pride and attributing it to the fact that she is in love, engaged to a brand new lipstick lesbian. "I'm turning 50 and I'm going to lay back, put my feet up behind my ears and become a friggin contortionist," she devilishy smirked. "On the other hand maybe I will bad mouth some of my competition on the friggin net," twixed Rosie.

And that's exactly what she did this week when she took on two of TV's hottest personalities for tasteless jokes about her. "I was compared to a diesel driving front end loader, an overinflated beanbag and a stinking loser," says Rosie.

In a discussion with Belinda Debonair of the Muffington Post, 'Dyke Dialogue Digest' O'Donahue talked in depth about the overwhelmingly positive response she received from the 'Friends Of Dorothy' to her recent engagement. And she discussed the details of how everyone found out during a taping of her 'OMG' Rosie O'Donahue Show with chatty super mega drag icon DuPaul.

During one of the endless sponsor breaks, Rosie says Du and her were tongue wagging to each other. Du said to me, "Did you ever imagine that when we were our age, in our hot friggin 50s, that we would be able to legally marry the person we friggin love, to walk down the street singing friggin show tunes?"

And I said, "Without the friggin paparazzi." And he said, "I hear you have a new friggin sista." I said "Yes, by the time this friggin airs on 'O' we'll be friggin hitched."

Rosie explained, "It feels friggin amazing to be engaged to a brand spanking new lesbian. When I shared it with the audience in another break, somebody friggin tweeted it, and then it was over, my big friggin secret out just like a bar hopping fly. But what I didn't expect was the friggin response from 95 year olds -- saying, 'Congratulations I'm so friggin happy for you.' I was kinda well, friggin stunned. I was kind of friggin overwhelmed by it. I had never had that kind of friggin response before. So in a way it was a gift from mother nature to me to say it in a friggin commercial break, with you DuPaul. It was a friggin gift that kind of pushed me into the street friggin naked. Now I know how to friggin talk about it. Now [when people look at me] I know that people think of me as a friggin big o'l plaid wearing flannel dyke and now in love with another friggin woman. And that's okay cause I love the feel of friggin flannel everywhere."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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