Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Monday, 26 September 2011

image for Rosie O'Donnell Warns Jesse James That He Had Better Keep His Tattooed Hands Off Her New Sexy Girlfriend
This is a recent photo of Rosie O'Donnell's new girlfriend, Michelle Rounds. (Photo courtesy of Ashton Kutcher).

NEW YORK CITY - Rosie O'Donnell just found out that Jesse James and Kat Von D are no longer together again for the third or fourth time this year.

She quickly stated that "Messy" Jesse better keep his grungy tattooed hands off of her new girlfriend who is quite the looker.

The rotund former talk show host who has been involved in several female-female relationships was talking with Coquette Eucalyptus of The West Coast Flaming Gazette at The Lips of The Dastardly Dragon Restaurant in Queens.

O'Donnell was smiling from ear-to-ear as she let Lypty, as Miss Eucalyptus is called, know that she is in paradise and has fallen totally in love with her long-legged brand new lesbianite girlfriend.

Rosie went on to say that her new belly bumper is Michelle Rounds. O'Donnell said that she was sitting in a Starbucks when this gorgeously stunning looking blonde walked up to her and asked her if her lap was taken.

Rosie said that she immediately threw down her copy of Rolling Stone and replied that it most certainly was not and told her to plop her fine-looking self right down on Miss Rosie's lap of luxury.

After Michelle did and the two dispensed with the 45 or so seconds of girlish giggling Rosie asked her if she wanted to be her new girlfriend.

Michelle said that she would have to think about it. Rosie looked stunned. Suddenly a few seconds later Michelle replied that she had thought about it and her answer was yes, yes, oh hell yes.

Rosie jumped up, almost knocking her new girlfriend to the floor and hollered out for some reason in an Annie Oakley cowgirl accent, "Yippie-ki-yay y'all, I just got me a brand new chick - Chai Creme Frappuccino's for everyone, on me."

When Jesse James heard that O'Donnell had said that he had better keep his tattooed hands off of her new girlfriend he replied that there is no way that he would ever want to be with a woman who had been with Rosie O'Donnell unless it was a completely sober Lindsay Lohan and that's only due to the fact that next to tattoos he is infatuated with freckles.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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