Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Saturday, 22 October 2011

image for The Damn Good Reason Why Rosie O'Donnell Wants To Hurry Up And Marry Her New Fabulously Sexy-Looking Girlfriend Michelle Rounds
The Lafayette log cabin in Louisiana where comedian-writer Zydeco Dupree was born. (Photo by Rosie O'Donnell).

NEW ORLEANS - Rosie O'Donnell flew down to the Big Easy to pick up her weekly purchase of Louisiana Deluxe Blue Clawed Crawfish which she hand picks herself from Bayou Beaudreau Beauregard's Crawfish and Alligator Farm.

While in New Orleans she met with fellow stand up comedian and part-time reporter for iRumors Zydeco Dupree at the famed Giggle Giggle Comedy Club on Bourbon Street.

Rosie and Zydeco go way back to the time when both used to be the opening acts for the legendary music icon Neil Young.

Dupree was one of the first to interview Rosie when she had her infamous shoving incident with Hulk Hogan in Pueblo, Colorado back in 1994.

He also interviewed her the day after she had allegedly grabbed GOP mouthpiece Ann "Giddy Up" Coulter and forced her to eat two cans of sardines, one can of spam, and a handful of Raisinets after Coulter had said that O'Donnell resembled David Crosby but with much more facial hair.

Zydeco asked the 49-year-old Rosie about her new love interest. She lit up like a Christmas tree with 2,000 blinking lights. She grinned, smiled, giggled, and touched her crotch region without even realizing it.

She told Dupree that her new gal pal the fabulously sexy-looking Michelle Rounds is the best thing that has happened to her since that Moroccan Cellulite Removing Balm that she had been given three years ago by Madonna.

O'Donnell said that on a scale of 1 to 10 that Michelle is an 11. The comedian beamed with joy as she said that Miss Rounds gives her some palpitations in her loin area that she has never felt before.

When Dupree asked her what her plans were Rosie said that she wants to marry Michelle as soon as humanly possible. She said that Michelle's parents do not like the fact that their daughter has taken up with a diesel dyke and have threatened to take away her car; her house; her pet parrot, Mr. Talky Talky; and most of her clothes which they did buy for her.

Dupree asked how old her gal pal is and O'Donnell replied that she is 40. Zydeco said that if he understands it correctly then the reason she (Rosie) wants a quick marriage is so that Michelle does not have time to think it over and break up with her.

"Bingo! My fine brutha Zy." Shouted out O'Donnell.

SIDENOTE: Rosie has promised that Zydeco Dupree and iRumors will have the exclusive rights to her and Michelle's wedding when that blessed event takes place.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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