C-list glamour model Kitty Coststretcher today announced that she would be suing a Brazilian cosmetic surgeon after a botched surgical breast enhancement procedure left her sporting a great big hairy arse on her chest.
Ms Coststretcher claimed that since the botched surgery she has been reduced to a laughing stock among her peers, and been unable to pose for glamour shots because of the great big hairy arse she currently sports on her chest.
"I can't even do swimwear or underwear shoots," Ms Coststretcher sobbed. "Because where I used to have curvaceous creamy cleavage, I now have a great big hairy builder's arse poking out of my top."
Brazilian cosmetic surgeon, Edson Arrantes Rivelinho Jairzinho Dos Clodoaldo claimed that the surgical botch up had occurred because of a breakdown in communication owing to the language barrier.
He explained through an interpreter that it had been his understanding that Ms Coststretcher had requested 'a great big fat hairy arse' on her chest, and although he found the request somewhat unusual, it wasn't really all that unusual for the Rio de Janiero metro area, where people apparently often undergo cosmetic surgery in order to have the tops of their heads modified into 'big fat hairy arses.'
A visibly upset Ms Coststretcher appealed to swarms of pressmen:
"This man must be stupid! Why oh why oh why would a glamour model with already impressive breastiture ever want to have a big fat hairy arse grafted onto her chest? The man is a muppet. A fool. An idiot."
The Brazilian surgeon refused to comment further, as he had an urgent appointment to perform cosmetic surgery on a man who wants to have his head remodeled to resemble a great big purple bell-end.
More as we get it.