U.N. Imposes Sanctions on Libya

Funny story written by SirBeavis

Sunday, 27 February 2011

image for U.N. Imposes Sanctions on Libya
Another harshly worded letter from the U.N. sent to stop a massacre.

UNITED NATIONS -- The U.N. Security Council moved as a powerful block to try to halt Libyan leader Muammar al-Qaddafi's deadly crackdown on protesters, slapping him, his five children and 10 top associates with a harshly worded letter filled with empty threats about sanctions.

Voting 15-0 after daylong discussions interrupted with breaks to consult with hookers, drug dealers and dictators back home; the council imposed an arms embargo and urged U.N. member countries to talk harshly about Qaddafi, his four sons and his daughter. The council also backed a travel ban on the Qaddafi family and 10 close associates, and blamed the United States for just about all of the problems ever caused by U.N. meddling.

Council members additionally agreed to refer the Qaddafi regime's deadly crackdown on people protesting his rule to a tribunal for an investigation of possible crimes against huggy and touchy feely PC behavior and humanity.

The council said its actions were aimed at "deploring the gross and systematic violation of human rights, including the repression of peaceful demonstrators." And members expressed concern about civilian deaths, "rejecting unequivocally the incitement to hostility and violence against the civilian population made from the highest level of the Libyan government."

U.N. Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon congratulated council members for the unified vote. Earlier in the day, it appeared some countries would not sign on because of concerns about the crimes against huggy and touchy feely PC behavior and humanity investigation. After a promise that under age Thai prostitutes would be available Al LA Carte after the session, the impasse was quickly over come.

"The text sends a strong message that gross violations of basic human rights will not be tolerated, and that those responsible for grave crimes will be issued sternly written letters," said Ban. "I hope the message is heard, and heeded, by the regime in Libya."

There have been reports that Qaddafi's government forces have been firing indiscriminately on peaceful protesters and that as many as 1,000 people have died.

Council members considered imposing a no-fly zone over Libya, but decided against it because it would require actual actions to be taken, so no U.N.-sanctioned military action is planned.

The Libyan mission to the U.N., run by diplomats who have renounced Qaddafi, told the council in a letter that it supported measures "to hold to account those responsible for the armed attacks against the Libyan civilians, including through the International Criminal Court, but why won't anyone get off of their asses and help? People are dying here! Why the hell has it taken President Obama 15 days to even say anything about innocents being gunned down, but he could immediately back the unions in Wisconsin?" The letter was signed by Ambassador Mohamed Shalgham, a former longtime Qaddafi supporter who had a dramatic change of heart after the crackdown worsened. Shalgham pleaded with the council on Friday to move quickly to halt the bloodshed in his country.

U.S. President Barack Obama has since said to German Chancellor Angela Merkel that Qaddafi needs to do what's right for his country by "leaving now." Chancellor Merkel was flabbergasted and asked in return, "Why are you talking to me, shouldn't you be telling Qaddafi this?

The U.N. Human Rights Council called for an investigation into possible crimes against huggy and touchy feely PC behavior and humanity in Libya and recommended Libya's suspension from membership of the U.N.'s human rights body. But did not recommend or request any actual action be taken to stop the bloodshed.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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