Written by walter

Sunday, 9 January 2011


The story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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The governor of Punjab Province, Pakistan, Salman Taseer, was shot nine times on Jan. 4, 2011 in Pakistan by one of his guards. He had spoken out against the country's controversial blasphemy laws, under which a Christian woman is being sentenced to death for allegedly insulting the prophet if Islam.

However, for many centuries, societies in Asia, Asia Minor, Middle East, Africa etc have experienced a form of sustainable government that normally operates side by side de facto governments. The de facto governments have been partly secular or submissive to the parallel governments, consisting of clerics who consider themselves the legitimate heirs to the thrones.

The subjects to the parallel governments willingly pay huge religious taxes to the clerics, regularly attend the venues of congregations, disclose their net profit or assets for the current fiscal year, and pay the clerics a hefty percentage to be passed to the centuries-old-dead-divine princes.

Actually, the functionaries of the parallel governments use a divine script that covers all aspects of a simple rural life, a judiciary body that determines punishment for thieves, murderers etc. It includes inheritance law, marriage, divorce, hygiene etc. However, no human being can ever change the said laws as long as the sun turns around the sun!

Now, some foreign powers have decided to transfer the rein of their former colonies to the parallel governments provided they form one single government in order to maximize their net profits. They have failed. A strain of brand new parallel government has emerged much stronger that before.

Having been used to a parasitic life style, the new strains have resorted to the same pattern of behavior: undermining the de facto divine government. The end result: chaos, corruption, crimes, mismanagement etc. The new strain of the parallel government which hates responsibility and accountability, has set up unlike before new offices in towns and cities to attract more and more donators.

Their offices are contacted for various reasons such as herbal medicine, stone aged medical treatments etc, such as the following:

Replier: Office of the reverend"X". What can I do for you?

Inquirer: (A female voice) Excuse me. My sister is insured, but I'm not. Can I use my sister's insurance and seek medication? The doctor doesn't mind.

Replier: Would you please specify what your problem is, sister?

Inquirer: Well, it is a bit sketchy and I'm a bit shy.

Replier: Well, don't be shy, dear. You are in the presence of God who knows everything about you. Tell me.

Inquirer: Can you keep a secret?

Replier: Sure! Spit it out.

Inquirer: Well, I am told if I want to fast or pray, after each intercourse, I need to take a shower. But each morning, before dawn, while I am sleep, on my tummy, my husband rides on my back and grabs both my boobs, squeezing, and gently bites the back of my neck and does a quickie. When he gets off me, a strange feeling happens to me and I have to reach way down my …but the problems seems to be much deeper … Hello there! Are you still there? (Some moaning.) Hello?

Replier: (Huskily) Yes. For Heaven's sake, yes. How old are you? 17! Oh, my God. How far do you live from my office? Ten minutes by a cab? Listen. When you're in that state, would you just give me a call? I have an upright solution for you. Just give me your address and house number, and I'll send you a divinely pre-paid cab!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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