New Revelations

Funny story written by Spicewood

Monday, 8 November 2010

image for New Revelations
New Golden Tablets

Golden tablets were recently unearthed in Jeruselum, that, when translated, shocked Dr. Omar Majawahar, Dean of Antiquities at the Universidad de Jandahar in Mecca.

Shawn Dibble, graduate student at the Universidad, from Piqua, Ohio, was digging and dusting in the Southeast corner of the Manjavi Dig when he noticed the irregular shaped tablets gleaming in the late afternoon sun. He carefully lifted them and placed them in plastic sleeves, and took them to Dr. Majawahar.

He instantly used his Canon FORMULA P-150 Handheld Scanner and reverently moved the scanner over the delicate golden tablets. He was astonished when he looked at the screen on his Dell Inspiron 1525 to read the translation. It took him a considerable amount of time to comprehend what he was reading. Shawn anxiously asked, "What does it say, Dr. Maajawahar?"

"This is unbelievable. These are from Jesus. He had God write these instructions in the 1900's."

It seems that Jesus saw that civilization, as he saw it, was getting out of hand, they were getting away from Him, and needed something to punish them for their 'wicked ways' as Jesus put it. He instilled into a few of his chosen people the knowledge to devise and invent a diabolical instrument which would originally be a blessing to humanity, spread throughout all his lands, enslave all of 'his' people to become totally reliant on 'it'."

An obviously newer plate was scanned next. Translated it revealed a meeting, in heaven, of all of the Disciples, which was chaired by Jesus. This tablet included the minutes of the meeting.

Jesus did not like what he was viewing on Earth, with His people, something had to be done.

"Any suggestions?" he asked, "I know a lot of you guys are fishermen, but give it some thought, see if you can 'catch' an idea, a little humor there."

"Matthew, you are a tax collector, I think we are already doing enough there," Jesus went on.

"We have to do something to punish our people on earth, their lives are going in the wrong direction, they are getting away from 'me,' we have to come up with something."

"No, Luke, closing Walmart is not drastic enough. They all have these new computer things now, anything there?"

"Mark, where are you, not here, what is wrong with him?"

"He has a virus," Andrew said.

Jesus shouted out, "That's it, a computer virus, how do we get that working, we'll get even with them that way."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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