Westboro Baptist Church Gets Visit

Funny story written by UWGB-Beek

Tuesday, 19 October 2010

Today, Jesus arrived at Westboro Baptist Church in Kansas City. The weather outside is hot and humid. The look on Jesus' face is one of disappointment. He is in town to confront Fred Phelps for misrepresenting God.

"It is rare for me to make special trips like this, but I felt it was time for me to stop this bigot from causing more harm in my name," Jesus said. "I can't believe how this man seems to get worse and worse as the years keep adding up on his life."

Jesus, who loves his followers very much and does everything in his power to make sure that his followers don't suffer beyond what they can handle, tries to answer followers' prayers the best way possible. He is planning on answering the prayers of the families that suffered through burying their children and having to listen to Mr. Phelps and his family shouting hateful things at them.

"I know what the Bible says about certain hot button issues, and yes secularization is harmful for society, but it is men like Mr. Phelps that turn people away from ever going to church. I came to earth to give sinners a chance, and not preach hate."

"Mr. Phelps and his family don't see anything wrong with protesting at funerals of fallen soldiers, and holding signs that say things that make no sense, unless he really believes himself to be a god."

"I guess I shouldn't be surprised that a Protestant church would take the Bible and turn it into something hateful, but that is for another day. Right now, I need to focus." Jesus took a sip from his eco-friendly water bottle. He played with the bottle, tossing it from left to right hand, almost like he was trying to relax.

Jesus continued walking around the church in an attempt to find Mr. Phelps.

Mr. Phelps saw Jesus coming and made run for it, but Jesus raised his hand and Mr. Phelps' leg cramped up causing him to fall to the ground.

"Mr. Phelps, why do you insist on taking the Bible out of context? I never said to protest funerals. I never said I hated anyone that didn't repent of their sins."

"I know, but a couple years back I lost my law license and felt I needed to make a name for myself. I saw a lot of bad things going on in the world and did what I thought was right. I really haven't read the Bible, but wanted to preach anyway. People are sinners and need to know that they are sinners." Mr. Phelps said as he tried to massage the leg cramp.

"People need to know they are forgiven. You need to stop doing what you are doing. Do you hear me?" Jesus gave Mr. Phelps a hand up and Mr. Phelps ran away.

"I really like these chances to meet people. I don't get to meet people like I once did, so excuse me while I think about the past." Jesus said as he slowly disappeared

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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