In a shocking revelation, excepts from a new Clinton Tell all Memoir scheduled to be published after his death, Bill claims : If I wasn't so fat, educated, and from Arkansas, I woulda signed with Man U in 1968!"
In the memoir, in which the former Ex-President recounts his time at Oxford as a Rhodes Scholar while avoiding the draft, a former female friend recounts, "Billy was plumpish and ill kempt, not a ladies' man!"
Clinton confesses he felt jealous,even then, that footies and war protestors were scoring all the birds, while he was relegated to hanging out with fellow classmates, one of which felt so safe with him she admitted she was a lesbian.
The 22 year old 'porker' bided his time in England while the flames of war licked at the soul of Americans 'back home' and in the front lines of South Viet Nam, even going so far as to lead a protest march at the American Embassy.
"I was desperate to get laid," Clinton intones in the book, " I was willing to do or say anything to get attention from the more liberal girls I tried to hang out with!"
"Before he learned he could score chics by being a hippie and puffing on a Doobie, Billy tried to diet, and even attempted to kick the ball around on the pitch a bit," said fellow scholar at the time Sean Kerflunckle, now a respected publicist for KISS," poor bastard....he was laffed off and left gobsmacked...couldn't even make it as a goalie!"
"My social life improved once I got into politics," Clinton crows, "being Governor of Arkansas kept me from getting pimples, but I hit it big time when I made it into the White House!"
Clinton retells tales never before heard, but hinted at, concerning his conquests.
"Amongst regular girls, well, they liked to be grabbed and dominated...a little bit too much effort for me being President and all. But hey, Them California gals, the famous ones....wow golly gee....they sure were aggressive and liked their pulled pork!"
Reflecting back 42 years the President says he has no regrets. "Hey, I would have like getting a little more when I was young, but like they say, life begins at 40, especially when you be President and you can git more poon then you can handle....and being out of office is even better....nobody cares and I fly
'under the radar' while getting it on 'under the covers!'
Clinton declined to be interviewed about the shocking book, but did have something to say that might be revealing.
Clinton's eyes glazed over when it was mentioned that wife Hillary may yet make it to the White House. "Wow....wouldn't that be sumpin...deja vu all over again.....24 hour PUSSY.....hey, join me in a cigar?"
