Written by Morse

Monday, 12 July 2010

image for Obama Maine 'vacation' to Coincide with Stephen King Book Signing: Death by Oreo!
Local Mainer's Truck Notching Deer Kills on Highway; His Brother Who Hit a Moose, is Now Dead.

Secret Service agents descended on Bangor,Maine early this week, to make final security preparations at the "Tree Hugger Book Store" where Stephen King will be holding a book signing for his new nightmare thriller detailing the possible demise of the United States after the infiltration of blood sucking illegal aliens with big ears from out of space promising 'Change.'

According to President Obama's appointment secretary, Barry will be stopping by to meet with King and get his personal copy after it was pointed out by close aide, and Chicago slum lord, Valerie Jarrett, that King, author of over 23 zillion copies of books published throughout the world, had donated a couple $zillion dollars to the Obama Presidential campaign.

Aides are not ruling out that King & Obama may stop by the gym King paid for at the University of Maine and 'shoot a few hoops' as part of a promotional clip for the upcoming mid term elections.

The book signing, which is guaranteed to tie up traffic in downtown Bangor, pissing off a horde of Canadians fighting to get to the discount malls and the Super Wal Mart, also coincides with Obama's continuing efforts to cause small business failures in the county as he plans to hop by helicopter and motorcade to Mt. Desert Island and shut down the tourist economy there by commandeering the only road leading onto the scenic island.

According to the Mt. Desert Chamber of Commerce Obama has already secured a Tee Time at the Northeast Harbor Golf Course, causing the management to cancel a tournament for crippled children which had been planned since last year. Obama's caddy and bag boy, Robert Gibbs, said since it was a new course, he'd have to walk it on late Friday afternoon marking yardages prior to the anticipated 8 hour round scheduled for a Saturday 9:30 tee off.

Due to over 725 secret service agents, and a journalistic pool of 125 select newspeople wearing street shoes, greens keeper Freddie McWorthy estimated the damage in the aftermath would approach $375,000, not including divot replacement from Barry's errant swings, and the trucking in of an additional 4 tons of beach sand to refill bunkers along the fairways.

It was announced that the President would not be walking, but would be moving about the course in a personalized Hummer Golf Cart specially manufactured for him by the "Go & Glow" hybrid solar powered manufacturing company that had just received a $25B stimulus payment to pursue alternate transportation and create jobs. It is said the entire employment staff, numbering 7, will also be in attendance for photo ops that will be broadcast all weekend on ABC, NBC , CNN and CNBC.

On a somewhat dissident note, National Guard troops were allegedly put on standby due to the announcement that a horde of ACORN volunteers would be flooding downeast Maine in an attempt to Unionize the very independent Lobstermen, blood worm and clam diggers, as well as the Christmas tree and wreath cooperatives, most of whom are armed and severely resent any government interference in their lives.

"We don't need any dat damn stimlus money," said "Squeaky" McDermott, a life long downeaster, " we take care of ourselves down this way and don't need none of dat govment money taken from other folks around the country!"

Maine is also one of the last of the states in the Union that refuses to place 'grits' on their breakfast menu, still relying on the age old tradition in New England of having "a plate of beans" with 2 over easy and some venison hash to start off their day in the woods.

A spokesman for the Obama's said they hope their kids would be able to see at least one moose while they were in Maine, and it is said that one is being trucked down for release on the golf course all the way from Aroostook County now that the potato harvest has been completed.

A recent Rasmussen poll taken amidst 'Maniacs' found they think Government has gotten "too F*****g Big," and didn't trust people with tans and big ears coming to visit from 'away.'

More after November.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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