As blizzards once again hit her homeland Miss Boyle, reportedly, is unable to get her mitts on the 2010 Winter Olympics must have, a pair of red mittens decorated with the maple leaf on one side and the Olympic rings on the other.
Allegedly there is a shortage of condoms in the Olympic Village as well as no spare seats for the men's ice hockey and curling finals. The kids in Canada can deal with this, but children throughout Canada are withdrawn and in tears as they follow their parents from store to store in vain, searching for the elusive mittens.
Miss Boyle is reported as bidding up to $1000 on ebay to get her hands, snug as a bug in a rug, inside her red mittens.
Miss Boyle should perhaps ring up the great leader of her unofficial fan club who it is reported has cornered the market in red mittens and red wool.
It is alleged that the great leader has been sending out task forces of women, who have taken Jesus and Miss Boyle into their lives, to record the location of all red mittens they discover then buy the entire stock. Their booty is then shipped to an anonymous Brooklyn address where it is transported under heavy guard to a purpose made tunnel deep under a US mountain.
It is reported that these same women stalk the stores for delivery of further stocks then swoop to buy all stock before Canadians can get to the stores.
"The Red Scarf brigade have become the Red Mitten rotters" according to the mayor of a small town in Alberta, "What is the world coming to, when we Canadians cannot properly support our Olympians?"