BBC to drop The News from it's schedules

Written by Bill Licks

Wednesday, 10 February 2010

image for BBC to drop The News from it's schedules
'The News won't be there for you....'

Long standing BBC favourite, The News will no longer be shown on BBC1 or it's sister channels BBC2, BBC3, BBC4 and BBC News.

The current affairs program which stars George Alagiah and Fiona Bruce has been a regular fixture on the channel since it first started broadcasting in 1948.

The BBC made the announcement today saying it would free up funds for new shows and help make the special effects on Doctor Who look more realistic and not like they were done by a 14 year old on a Commodore Amiga.

'After 62 years and not one repeat, it's time to say farewell to the News and say hello to New ideas,' said a beeb spokesman, who added, 'we are extremely proud to have broadcast the News for so long, but at a time when the channel is undergoing a period of cost cutting and looking for new vehicles to display the talents of John Barrowman, we felt it was time to part company.'

The BBC's deal with Public Service Broadcasting PLC will end next autumn, after which the News will be broadcast on UK digital channel, Sexy Chat and Date.

The annoying dating network will now broadcast the news via a badly taken mobile phone picture of Jeremy Paxman, accompanied by bland synthesised music and delivered on the bottom of the screen in badly spelt text speak.

The News has been a huge success for the BBC over the years.

The series was based around a collection of short stories that were made up each day by a team of scriptwriters and then read out by a cast of men, women and Moira Stewart.

As the years went by the show charted the daily adventures of people from all walks of life and made stars of members of the public like Tony Blair, Lord Lucan and Tibbles the cat who got stuck in the back of a removal van and ended up 200 miles from home.

However, viewing figures began to decline after the show started to become predictable.

'There are only so many stories that can be written about wars in Iraq, starving people in Africa or John Terry chasing skirt,' Thompson told us. 'Everyone knows what's going to happen in the end. The scriptwriters were getting desperate for new ideas so they made up far-fetched stories about 250,000 people being killed in an earthquake. That really was the last straw. Who on earth is going to believe that kind of sci-fi nonsense is actually real?'

Last year it was also announced that The Weather, another long-serving BBC programme, would also come to an end at the end of 2010.

After years of getting the forecasts completely wrong, the BBC thought it was only fair to give someone else a chance.

So it will now be the responsibility of the spirit world to give daily updates on SuperPsychic TV.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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