Hello, good morning and welcome to another gripping instalment of Thai Daily News. A somewhat mundane day in the capital, Bangkok, today, it has to be said, but from the remnants, here are the day's boring headlines, brought to you by our sponsors, Four-Knuckle-Shuffle Drills.
BANGKOK PROSTITUTE REFUSES TO GIVE MAN A WANK
Police were called to an entertainment establishment in Patpong 1 Road yesterday evening after a foreign customer refused to leave the bar until he had received a wank.
The unnamed man, a regular at some of the area's filthier watering holes, had been turned down for regular hand masturbation - usual price: a handful of small change - by Miss Porntip, 18, on the grounds that he was a "health risk".
Said Miss Porntip:
"Usually, I go with anything, but this guy is a real mong. He has cheese encrusted all around his cock, and he's got crabs all over his balls!
A lady's got to have some standards!"
In no uncertain terms, police told the man to "go away".
FOOTBALL RESULTS
There were four matches from the Thai Premier League last night, and here are the results:
Bangkok United 14 Ratchaburi Wanderers 8
Chonburi Albion 15 Pattaya City 13
Pattaya Wednesday 12 Silpakorn Athletic 12 (match abandoned after 21 minutes due to floodlight failure)
AND FINALLY...
In a closely-fought encounter at the Elephant Ground, it finished:
Buriram Rangers 108 Sri Racha Academicals 107 (after extra time)
What? You want more?
