You can't keep a good news story down, and, even though the following aren't exactly what you would call 'good news stories', they aren't exactly shite either, and so here they are, for your perusal:
CONCERNS OVER MUSLIM UPRISING
There were 'grave concerns' last night over what was described as a 'potential Muslim uprising' as thousands of Islam fans gathered in downtown Bangkok yesterday afternoon.
The grave concerns belonged to a foreign teacher who spied the aforementioned miscreants as he journeyed home along Rama VI Road on one of the little green buses - the cheap ones. The huge throng were scattered either side of the canal at the Prapa Bridge in Samsen, and included men, women, women that looked like men, women that looked like animals - and children. All had beards.
It wasn't clear what such an enormous number of Muslims were doing gathering like that, but you can be sure they weren't out collecting for the Red Cross. Our spoofwitness, who claimed to be called Moys Kenwood, said:
"They looked well sinister. Especially all of them."
MUSLIMS DEFY ISLAMIC LAW
Trouble flared briefly at a Muslim uprising in Bangkok yesterday, when it emerged that two devotees had flouted the Eternal and All-Encompassing Divine Law of the prophet Mohammed, and shaved off their beards.
It was only after a closer inspection that it was discovered that the floutees were two young children, a boy aged 10 and a girl aged 6.
The potential flashpoint was averted when elders intervened and purchased two stick-on beards from a nearby Fancy Dress shop.
WOMAN FORGETS FRIED EGG!
Another potential flashpoint was averted when a Food Center worker who had forgotten to put a fried egg on top of a customer's tea, quickly rustled one up in record time.
The lady, who works at the Tang Hua Seng Food Center in Thonburi, was asked to cook Pork Steak and Chips with salad by a foreign teacher, who also commanded her to add a fried egg. However, after chit-chatting with her associate in the next unit, she failed to deliver the meal as ordered, and was embarrassed when the customer reminded her of this.
As quick as a flash, she cracked open an egg, and threw it into her pan, from whence it was delivered, not two minutes later, onto the man's plate.
The man, who later suffered from a bout of diarrhoea, said:
"'Not two minutes' might not have been long enough."
