The Queen's Christmas Speech to be scrapped

Written by Mark Merton

Sunday, 27 December 2009

image for The Queen's Christmas Speech to be scrapped
"I can even whistle, you know"

According to a research jointly carried out by Oxford and Cambridge Universities the Queen's Christmas speech on TV is watched by 56% of the adult population in the UK but remembered only by 3% after the Boxing Day. The proportion of people giving some credit to what the Queen says in her speech fluctuates around 1% and never exceeds 1.6%.

The Broadcasting Authority is expected to declare the annual Queen Speech a total waste of air-time and possibly an insult to human intelligence as almost everyone knows that she doesn't mean what she says and that it wouldn't matter a bit even if she would mean it.

A spokesman for the Buckingham Palace said that the Queen was reviewing her role as an annual speech-maker on TV and in the light of the findings of the research she might replace her speech next year by a mini whistle concert. She would whistle a well known melody for a few minutes to have a more meaningful impact on the mind of her subjects.

It is known that the Queen is a keen whistler and that she likes whistling to her corgis and to the Duke of Edinburgh when she feels happy for them. A private whistle coach would be called in next September to prepare the Queen for her Christmas address.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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