Wiccans warn of Monday's winter solstice shocker

Funny story written by queen mudder

Thursday, 17 December 2009

image for Wiccans warn of Monday's winter solstice shocker
Feral fatcat bankers and cold whore puppet monarchs are blighted by this year's solstice

The Cosmos - (Armageddinouttahere!): Wiccas' harshest equivalent of a Federal Emergency Management Agency executive order was issued today.

The astrology warning by the Global Sabbath Council says Monday's Yuletide solstice will will be a monster.

The 17.47GMT solar ingress into Capricorn is karmically blighted by Sunday's retrograde Mars, which stands still at 19.41 degrees of Leo, the sign of royalty and feral fatcats.

As if that wasn't bad enough a Moon/Jupiter/Neptune triple conjunction at 24 degrees Aquarius occurs just a few hours ahead of Monday's solstice.

"The year's longest night could be the night of the longest knives," Wiccan Council seers added today.

"No wonder the Mayans freaked out and quickly put in place that December 21 2012 disinformation campaign."

This predicts the end of the world due to asteroid impact on Manhattan.

Monday's famous birthdays include Jane Fonda (72); Chinese president Hu Jintao, 67 and Samuel L Jackson, 61.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more