Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has announced this morning that he will allow United Nations inspectors to come visit their nuclear facilities just as soon as their "present project" is completed.
"We welcome the UN inspectors and the whole world to come see our progress...but wear a diaper", joked the Iranian leader. "Just kidding..who said that? Ahh, one of my virgins no doubt. A whisper in the ear sometimes. NO! Alas, that was the bad one."
Although a surprise, most nations in the UN think that it is just another stall from the same source. Many think that Ahmadinejad IS mad."
"She just told me that you think I must be mad! But I ask you, was Hitler mad? Was Napoleon mad, was Jim Jones...don't answer that!"
"Now we get down to business."
"In order for me to open up for the weapons inspection I will first need a pair of a red heifer's tail hairs, a cowboy hat once worn by John Wayne in one of his better westerns, a sprig of parsley worn in Britney's panties, a first edition of Madame Pauline Tabor's "Little House on Clay Street" in Bowling Green, Kentucky where all the sailor's went on shore leave or was it truckers?..no matter, a piece of gum once stuck to the sole of a shoe thrown at George W. Bush, a key to a sardine can from the 1950's and a fingertip sized gob of earwax from Prince Charles' left ear."
"OK, run along now. Fetch 'em! I'll be here with the keys to the nuclear facilities before I lose them, also!"