Underwear Only at Chilly Christmas Benefit

Written by P.M. Wortham

Tuesday, 8 December 2009

image for Underwear Only at Chilly Christmas Benefit
Actual Photo of a famous male celebrity "with shrinkage"

Sponsored by Calvin Klein, Victory's Secret, Hugo Boss and other noted undergarment manufacturers, this year's Christmas benefit for the "Underwear Fashion Challenged" took take place at Louvre in Paris and feature a host of celebrities in support of the cause.

Normally held in warmer weather destinations, the Louvre was chosen specifically to juxtapose art with fashion. Event promoter Evan Goosepimple told reporters, "Fashion is art, and what better way to start your morning than to don an artful undergarment ensemble. We just didn't expect it to be so cold here."

While Paris experienced unseasonably cold weather, Hollywood and European celebrity elite hit the red carpet at the benefit gala, exiting their respective limousines dressed in the latest underwear fashions. Cold weather doing what it does best to human body parts, several well endowed male and augmented female celebrities had quite different and unanticipated reactions, unfortunately served up for the benefit of the paparazzi.

Dreaded shrinkage for the men, mixed with extra perkiness if you will, for the women, found handlers and publicists scrambling to find makeshift solutions to combat the effects of the cold. Men were later seen at the gala without socks, at least on their feet, and the tissue dispensers in the ladies room fell empty as the extra stuffing seemed to solve the nipple 'hat rack' issue. Suddenly, both men and women celebrities appeared with the shapeliness and bulky curvature expected from people of their social status.

Though the gala event raised enough money to fund fashionable underwear purchases for cities including Cologne, Germany, Anzio, Italy, and Gary, Indiana, the cold weather and its unflattering fashion impact would remain the key story of the evening. One paparazzi was heard commenting, "He seems to be hung like a wrinkled sock".

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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