A line of Christmas cards honouring the extraordinarily witty and sarcastic Newsnight reporter Jeremy Paxman has been axed. It was axed because the Christmas card company did not think he was suitably Christmassy enough.
They had planned to do a line of cards containing some of Mr Paxman's most memorable quotes, but despite looking for a long time the company couldn't find any that translated onto the Christmas card. A spokesman for the company tried to explain the problems they had.
"On the telly Mr Paxman is very humerous. He ridicules politicians, he insults the weather and even one of his cheary little "Good evenings" can be made to sound amusingly ironic. But on the Christmas card, it just doesn't look cheary enough."
"For Instance." Carried on the spokesperson. "Happy Christmas" printed on the card just looks like any other "Happy Christmas", but if Jeremy says it, it sounds very funny in a mean sarcastic way. Do you see what I mean."
"I think I do" Said Katarina Frogpond (that's me). "But couldn't you just put a recorded message inside. You know, with Jeremy doing the voice."
"You mean with all Jeremy's cynical undertones and implied miserable wishes, all on a little tape recorder inside the card."
"Yes, that's exactly what I mean" Katarina Said.
"Then well done you, Katarina Frogpond. You've just earned yourself a cut in the lucrative Christmas card business. Get Jeremy on the phone and we'll all be rich"
"Nah." Said Katarina. "I don't really want to meet Jeremy Paxman. He's a bit miserable."
"Okay. Bye, then. But we're keeping your idea." Said the spokesman.
"Fine." Said Katarina "It was a rubbish idea anyway. No one's going to buy Jeremy Paxman Christmas cards. Christmas is all about fun."
"Just you watch this space Katarina." Said the Spokesman "Just you watch"
"No thank you. Got some paint to watch instead. See you around."
By Katarina Frogpond.