New version of 'Oh Little Town of Bethlehem' released by Joseph Aramathea and the Resurrected Sunworshippers

Funny story written by matwil

Saturday, 5 December 2009

image for New version of 'Oh Little Town of Bethlehem' released by Joseph Aramathea and the Resurrected Sunworshippers
'Hey, don't blame me! It was St. Paul who made it all up'

'Oh little town of Bethlehem, how nice is thy curfew
Above thy deep and dreamless sleep, Israelis shoot at you
Yet in they dark streets shineth, the IDF's helmets
The tears of gas of those fascists are paid by US pests

For Christ was born quite normally, a human child like us
While fools do bleat and eat turkey, the TV makes a fuss
Oh Jesus was a Royal man, who liked to drink his wine
The Romans just changed some pagan names, and Jesus went divine

How quietly, how quietly, the wondrous lie is told
So Wall Street can fleece all of you, and get most of your gold
For Christ did have a normal birth, though not on Christmas Day
'A virgin birth', 'resurrected', Hollywood did say

Oh normal child of Bethlehem, you drank married and died
The bishops of the Roman Church, they lied and lied and lied
We hear the Christmas fraudulence, of resurrection too
O come to us, although you're dead, sounds like some weird voodoo

Oh little town of Bethlehem, where Mary was quite sad
Kind Joseph married Mary so, her son would have a dad
She was with child when they met, so she must have been wronged
'This boy will be King of the Jews', many people longed

For Jesus was descended from, King David through Mary
And Mary was decent and clean, a fine girl Muslims say
If wronged it would not be by Jews, due to the Sanhedrin
Her silence means Jesus' father, must have been a Roman

Oh little town of Bethlehem, this lie is far too old
To richen shops and turkey farms, the truth must now be told
Twas Mithra's birth, the twenty-fifth, until a man named Saul
Said it was that of Jesus, though not believed in Gaul

Oh little town of Bethlehem, an Arab city now
The Romans expelled all the Jews, St. Paul then wondered how
He could invent a pagan god, that did come back to life
He changed Mithra to Jesus Christ, and airbrushed out his wife

Jesus was a human man, who married and drank wine
He survived crucifixion, and he was not divine
The Turin Shroud proves that is true, and so the Vatican
Won't let people see it now, for Christ was just a man

Oh little town of Bethlehem, Christmas was illegal
In sixteen-hundreds Britain for, twas ruled by old Cromwell
The Puritans knew that Christmas, was made up by St. Paul
Might as well celebrate, the birth of Tommy Ball

Fir trees, cards and paper chains, all pagan fun we know
All done long before the birth, of Jesus Christ and so
When you go to churches, and sing on Christmas Day
You are doing what pagans did, at Easter, Yule and May

Oh little town of Bethlehem, the centre of this con
Don't buy gifts or eat turkey, or put church music on
Ninety-five percent of men, know Christmas is a lie
Virgin birth, come back to life, it's all pie in the sky'

(Words by Mary Magdalene and Joseph Aramathea; Music by Pontius Pilate; Management by ZoroastriansInc; Hijacking of Zooastrianism by Pope XXX the X)

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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