China's terracotta army will fight terrorism

Funny story written by King David

Thursday, 3 December 2009

image for China's terracotta army will fight terrorism
China has never had a terracotta navy

Chinese President Hu Jintao promised American President, Barack Obama today that he would send 100,000 terracotta troops to help the NATO forces fight terrorism in Afghanistan. The soldiers, which vary in height from 6 ft. to 6 ft. 5 in., will be shipped in giant cargo boxes labeled "China" and fight alongside NATO troops.

It wasn't clear how long the Chinese troops would be fighting, however, experts say that much would depend on how much it rained in the Kandahar Province.

The Chinese forces will also be there on a mission to help train the Afghan army and police force by providing cover for troops and fodder for young soldiers to shoot at during target practice.

President Barack Obama was very grateful to China for their gesture of good will and praised the Chinese president profusely.

"We've been waiting for them to step up to the plate, no pun intended" Obama said.

President Hu Jintao spoke very highly of the terracotta warriors and said that they would certainly add experience to the NATO force.

"Our soldiers are over 3,000 years old," he said, "and were first assembled in the Qin dynasty as replicas of the imperial guard."

Critics say that China is only calling attention to itself to promote its superior status in the world economy. But Chinese President Hu Jintao refuted any claims in this direction and said to relieve any suspicion that none of the warriors would have a "Made in China" sticker placed on it's base.

Rumor has it that terracotta soldiers have also volunteered for dangerous mine-sweeping missions outside of Kandahar near the Argahandab River, and as crash-test dummies for military humvee vehicles riding over the land mines. But generals are fearful that the soldiers, made of clay, would get too close to the river and fall in.

It was also feared that Al Quaeda drug lords operating in the area would use the terracotta soldiers to stash drugs and smuggle them out of the country. But Chinese officials reassured NATO generals that all of the figurines were made of solid clay and would not have round holes in the bottom.

The original terracotta army, comprised of only 8,000 soldiers, is considered one of China's elite fighting forces that has proven itself in the course of history and features life sized warriors, horses, chariots and even musicians.

For obvious reasons, China has never developed her terracotta navy.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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