Chicago, Il/ Urban Renewal News - The South Side of Chicago is still a 57 block smoldering pile of rubble after pre mature demolition was carried out on the property taken by 'eminent domain' by Chicago Mayor Daley in anticipation of the 2016 Olympic games being awarded to "Bam" Town!
Reporters trying to find out what happened have been met with silence as the Mayor and his entire staff have not been seen since roughly 10:30 a.m EST last Friday when Chicago was the first city eliminated from Olympic consideration.
Meanwhile, the apparent confusion has left over 5500 low and middle income people homeless when they were evicted from their rent controlled and substandard housing by Chicago Police under an order drafted by Slum Lord and Presidential advisor, Valerie Jarrett.
In the mysterious absence of the President, who was busy celebrating his 17th wedding anniversary with his wife Michelle in a hastily vacated Georgetown eatery so the couple could have a private, intimate moment, VP Joe Biden vowed immediate Federal Assistance.
"Due to this horrible miscarriage of justice, which I lay at the feet of the Bush Administration, on behalf of the President ,I am decreeing South Chicago an even Bigger Disaster Area than it was before!"
Biden continued," I have authorized the arming of unemployed ACORN volunteers sent to the area to safe guard it until the National Guard, most of whom are serving in Iraq and Afghanistan, can be rotated home."
"In addition," said Biden, speaking from handwritten notes on his palm, " I have authorized Banking Legislators Chris Dodd and Barney Frank to release over $75B in emergency housing funds to start construction immediately on a brand new ghetto community which will be founded on 'hope and change' and named in honor of Valerie Jarrett's brave pit bull, 'Vick' who was inadvertently blown up during the accidental demolition while on his rounds collecting rents with his handler, 'Big Tony' Pastaroni.
In addition, Biden said he had authorized the temporary move of over 340,000 unused FEMA trailers 'left over' from the New Orleans disaster, and all occupants would be issued masks to protect them from noxious gases that still are being emitted from the Chinese Carpets, Drywall, and Plastic Piping.