Condoms Recycled into Tires

Funny story written by P.M. Wortham

Tuesday, 10 November 2009

image for Condoms Recycled into Tires
The start of a great ride.

Answering two environmental concerns in one fell swoop, French company Bonami, has patented a new process to recycle discarded condoms into new automotive and truck tires.

Typically flushed down with residential plumbing, the condoms are one of the few non bio-degradable items removed at waste water treatment plants. "We simply retrieve them before being sent to the landfill", says Bonami President, Jaques Mehoff. "The latex proves quite workable in our patented process." Asked if there were bio hazard concerns with any of their processes, Mehoff replied, "No, but we do have trouble keeping employees in the condom cleaning department. Splash back issues, you know."

Chief Engineer at the plant, Lee K. Soares tells reporters of two patented tread designs. "The natural latex from our condoms gives superior performance over synthetic rubber, and provides the basis for unique tread textures that provide a pleasurable driving experience." Describing the designs, Soares says, "Our Tadoomi passenger car radials, provide excellent grip in both wet or dry conditions, while our Rough Rider truck tires are superior when you want to get off road, and drive through muddy conditions. In that regard, many of our tires are experienced."

Bonami's marketing campaign includes a free repair kit with a four tire purchase. "If one of our tires is unexpectedly blown, we provide the patch and hand jacking inflation kit to fix the problem. That's how we stand behind our customers", says Mehoff.

Bonami tires are also sold in bulk, coming in packages of six or twelve for those customers with multiple cars, and in a large package of 144 for tire distributors. Expect to see Bonami tires in retail locations within the next 60 days where the company slogan will be emblazoned on marketing banners.

"Bonami, Where the Rubber Meets the Road".

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more