Bush Senior defiant about Hague hearing

Funny story written by matwil

Wednesday, 4 November 2009

image for Bush Senior defiant about Hague hearing
WANTED for war crimes: George H. Bush

Ex-American leader George Herbert Bush insisted he needs more time to buy off more of the media, to avoid an appearance at the Hague on charges of war crimes.

Mr. Bush has boycotted all attempts at being tried for the crimes that spanned the years 1991 and 1992, crimes that caused the death of hundreds of thousands of civilians in Iraq. The so-called 'First Gulf War', when the CIA-employed agent Saddam Hussein launched a 'surprise' invasion of Kuwait, though not a surprise to the Americans that hired him to do it, or to the thousands of CIA satellites watching the region as he did so, was not any war.

It began with the massacre of thousands of Iraqi soldiers retreating from Kuwait by using computerised weapons and advanced technology against them, including Stealth Bombers, and there then followed the destruction of the entire infrastructure of Iraq by the US military, causing approximately 125,000 civilian deaths.

The war crime charges Bush faces are - eleven charges of crimes against humanity; carpet bombing every city and most towns in Iraq, destroying homes, businesses, sacred sites, waterworks, drainage, schools, hospitals, factories, shops, railway stations, roads, and mosques; targetting individual Iraq leaders for assassination and making up silly cartoon nicknames for them; supporting and arming genocide by Israeli war criminals.

Mr. Bush said: 'Blah blah blah freedom, blah blah blah blah democracy. Blah blah blah blah evil monster Saddam Hussein, blah blah blah blah who the Americans never created to fight the Iranians, nor gave him chemical weapons to use on them and on the Kurds, no sirree, wasn't us. Nope.'

'And heck, the fact he was armed by the CIA and was a monster until 1991, well, let's just keep quiet about us arming a murderous maniac. Odd how he suddenly invaded Kuwait when he had all the oil he needed in his own country, the world's third-largest oil producer, isn't it? Almost as if a CIA agent called 'Saddam' was doing what I told him to do.'

In the American's absence, a Hague prosecution lawyer opened the case against Bush by mentioning the deliberate massacres of civilians for months across Iraq. 'Iraq was the Middle East's only genuine democracy - a basic one, but it still had elections and opposition parties. So, of course, Mr. Bush wished to destroy that nation and did so. But that was only part one oh his plan.'

'After seriously weakening such a Third World country with such war crimes, Bush then used his son President George W. Bush to invent a reason to finally permanently invade and occupy Iraq and steal its oil and destabilise it, and so this duly followed - the 'Second Gulf War'. Naturally, being Americans, they couldn't even win that, if you can call that a war either, and so the country has descended into a nightmare of anarchy and terrorism and tribalism.'

'We demand that George H. Bush attend these war crime hearings in the Netherlands, but we do not indite his son on any such charges - mainly because he is a drunken, moronic baboon, whose father managed to be President for four terms by getting the idiots in America to vote for that son, while he himself really ruled the country.'

It is hoped that the wonderfully accurate and unbiased American TV news stations will report the entire world's opinion of George H. Bush as one of the worst war criminals in history, one that has disgraced his once fine country and made it a pariah in the international community. But it won't.

It'll just feature one changeable cartoon 'baddie' every year, like Saddam Hussein or Radovan Karadzic, and Americans will believe that the USA and Israel are somehow nice, peaceful, decent, democratic countries, that never do what those nasty foreigners ever do. Only Americans would believe that.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more