Investigation Reveals $700M Iraq Embassy 'Unfit for Habitation'!

Funny story written by Morse

Saturday, 24 October 2009


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$700M New Iraq Embassy Falling Apart: Hillary Vows to 'Flip it'!

Just 9 short months after taking possession of the world's largest and most costly embassy, US investigators have found it will take over $130M to fix the mess!

Covering over 100 acres and more than 21 buildings meant to house over 1,000 State Department Workers in the war torn country, the embassy compound was hailed as a major achievement by a Kuwaiti Construction company founded by a Lebanese Dry Waller.

The original contract was allegedly completed on time, and "on budget', and did not account for the over $25M in unused materials left on site because the contractors working 12 hours a day, 7 days a week, never could find out where the material was supposed to be installed.

Several American construction companies with years of experience, and 2 that had submitted bids under the award winning proposal from the Kuwaiti's ,were still perplexed over the process.

Problems consist of falling plaster over doorways and covered walkways, and cracks 'way bigger than a cunt hair' according to testimony from construction expert Bargis Tryhol.

'Safe Rooms' to protect staff during attacks have proven to be 'unsafe' and are lined inside and out with combustible material.

To date no one has able to trace the sewer lines to a termination point, and the $50M sewerage treatment plant has yet to see the first human turd
flow into its chemical treatment area.

Residents have complained, however, of sewerage fumes blanketing their quarters from the air conditioning ducts, and water coming from the leaking faucets is deemed 'unsafe' even for showers. Staffers have been limited to one 3 minute shower per week offered by army tankers pulled in from road building duties, and usually utilized to keep the dust down.

Not yet publicized, is that fact that at least 45 staffers have been electrocuted when attempting to relax in the community hot tub. Apparently the company's electricians never did figure out the use of Ground Fault Interrupters (GFI's) and were also using the lavish bathroom fixtures to ground the compounds hot wires.

International attorneys contacted about any recourse for the construction company just laughed!

"Hey, Dude," said Las Vegas Divorce Attorney, Patent Attorney, and International Construction Contract Specialist Hymen Rothchild, "forgetaboutit!"

Rothchild said the contract specified no warrantees were provided, and that the State Department agreed to accept all work "as is, where is, working or not."

When contacted about the problem, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton said simply, "Fuck it...we'll just flip the sucker, and start over!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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