Scientists have discovered that those who voted for Obama rather than McCain masturbated far more than other voters. They had greater levels of testosterone, behaved aggressively, had increased sex drives and liked to crack one off every ten minutes.
Professor Conrad Bumfister, the author of the report, said "A lot of wankers voted for Obama. We can see the evidence quite clearly now all over America. Thing is, after a while with him in charge their sexual energy diminishes. He no longer turns them on. McCain's followers just can't get it up. Bit like the old guy himself. At least we knew that all along. Obama promised high sex drive and plenty of juice. Now they are coming nothing but air."
Indeed their were many cases of spoiled ballot papers as some Obama voters failed to contain their obvious excitement. One TV station introduced a Jizzometer to measure his support. In some states his approval rating shot through the roof. Now it's little more than a trickle. A few 'old hands' are still backing him, there is a limit to what they can produce.
Slogans like "Feeling Frisky? Then Take a Risky" could backfire on the whole nation. A further slogan was "Obama Voters Do It By Themselves".
Clearly those who thought it was the dawning of a new era were a little premature.
