In an effort to reach across the isle to the GOP, Obama today agreed to let a congressional committee vet his new Cookie Czar appointee. Today Obama submitted three names for consideration and recommendation, the Keebler Elf, Cookie Monster, and the Pillsbury Dough Boy.
The Keebler Elf a favorite with the Obama administration has already been met with strong resistance from Congressional Republicans who have objected to the Elf because he spent his early years in the cookie business on a northern California commune known only as "the farm." Michael Steel, head of the GOP, was livid that the Elf should even be in consideration. Steel said he now wonders if Obama has any friends or associates that are not Communist. Supporters of the Keebler Elf say his past was no more than a living arrangement to get the Elf through Cullinary School. They claim that for the last twenty years he has been a Capitalist and the marketing King Pin that grew his company to $134 million in annual sales, maintaining a 37% market share.
The Cookie Monster has immense popularity, especially among young voters. It is believed that none of the other candidates have the gravitas of the Monster. His supporters say no one has more passion for cookies than this guy. On the down side the Cookie Monster has already gone on record as saying he would accept this position if it is offered to him, but would not give up his day job. It is believed that the salary offered by the government would not come close to the sweet deal he is getting at Sesame Street.
It seems that the Pillsbury Dough Boy has few supporter other than the left leaning UAW. It has been revealed that the Dough Boy's life has been in a downward spiral from his drug and alcohol dependency. Today the Big Boy (BB as he is known on the street) is a pale tub of lard; and his image would not help the Cookie industry.
Obama also gave the selection committee the authority to go outside his list of candidates to fine any other suitable appointees. Congressional sources are rumored to be in negotiations with the Chiquita Banana Girl. For years she has made it no secret that she wants that stupid hat off her head. Off the record most committee members agree the Banana Girl would be the most likely candidate to win bipartisan support as she is both female and Latino. Her public speaking skills are in question though. When interviewed she would only say, "I really want the yab."
