The European 100 Watt lightbulb, whose existence ended this week, was 'killed by terrorists', according to American President Barack Obama.
Speaking from Washington DC, he said: 'People of America, our thoughts are with our friends in Britain and in Europe at this time of great loss. And we just want them to know that the United States of America will leave no stone unturned in our hunt for the perpetrators of 100/0.'
'This has been a black day for democracy and world peace, a day when we, the American people, stand shoulder to shoulder with our brothers and sisters across the Atlantic, in our determination to fight the terrorists that destroyed the ancient and noble 100 watt lightbulb of England, the Mother of Lightbulbs.'
'And we pledge hundreds of millions of US tax dollars that could be spent on hospitals, schools, medical research, aiding developing countries, even rebuilding New Orleans, to be spent on lots of soldiers and weapons to go around the world killing lots of civilians and stirring up hatred towards America, in our new War On Energy Saving.'
'Yes - We - Can, find ridiculous excuses for American soldiers to go and die in whichever Arab oil country next dares to not send all of its oil cheaply to America.'
'And Yes - I - Can, sound like a 17th century evangelist preacher, as I say nothing of substance in a long-winded way. And we can say to the enemies of freedom and democracy, the enemies of incandescence, the enemies of having to nip out to buy new bulbs every few weeks when the cheap tungsten ones blow up - we shall never rest until the terrorists have been destroyed, we shall never rest until it is once more safe to turn the lights on, without an annoying flicker as they take ages to warm up.'
'No longer will the terrorists hold our lighting systems to ransom, no longer will they use our bulbs to spread their evil across the world, for we, the United States of America, have pledged a pledge to pledge our great - and this is our pledgewise pledglingmented pledge - nation to keep on making speeches about nothing, until our enemies die of complete - and let us not forget - utter boredom.'
The CIA reports that the leader of the terrorists is Osram Bin Fusin, a tall Arabic man with an eight foot long beard who plays golf with George W Bush. CIA Director WTC Fakeattack said:
'The War On Energy Saving will continue. Until we can invent another War to get our hands on US tax money to play at being soldiers with.' Gordon Brown et al were phoning The White House today, to ask President Obama to send them the speeches they would be making about The War On Energy Saving.
A memorial to 100/0 will be built on the exact spot where American democracy also died. The White House in 1980.
