Gere Detained in Cavy Cavity Contraband Controversy

Funny story written by smurfette

Sunday, 30 August 2009

image for Gere Detained in Cavy Cavity Contraband Controversy
it was a dark and stormy flight..........

NEW YORK CITY, NY, USA Actor Richard Gere was arrested by United States customs officials at New York's J F Kennedy International Airport on suspicion of smuggling following a Transatlantic flight which arrived late this afternoon.

Gere had nearly completed a round trip to Amsterdam aboard KLM Royal Dutch Airlines flight 0641 when flight attendants noticed that he was sweating profusely yet had a strangely serene look on his face.

Upon inquiring whether Gere was in need of assistance, KLM employees reportedly heard a faint "wheeking" sound emanating from Gere's seat, which at first was not a great cause for concern as the attendants attributed it to the possibility that he was merely passing gas at the time, a perfectly understandable faux pas, given the length of the flight. Gere politely refused assistance and stated he was fine.

However, several passengers in seats near Gere soon began to complain of not only the wheeking noises, but also reported sounds variously described as bubbling, purring, rumbling, chutting, whining, chattering, squealing, shrieking, and chirping seeming to originate from Gere. The foul odor normally associated with such substantial flatulence was ominously absent.

Air marshals aboard the flight decided to investigate the numerous complaints concerning Gere and were concerned to discover that his abdomen was not only grossly distended, but actually appeared to quiver and pulsate.

A protesting Gere was immediately taken for a medical assessment upon arrival at JFK, where an MRI determined he had secreted thirty rare pedigreed silky peruvian guinea pig pups in his colon.

An embarrassed Gere explained that the tiny cavies were the offspring of European champion silky peruvian guinea pigs and were valued at approximately $3000 each to incredulous customs officials.

Gere's claims gained merit, however, when they were substantiated in an interview with representatives of the American Cavy Breeders Association (ABCA).

Gere has suffered several financial set backs in recent years due to poor box office returns and had invested heavily in pedigreed guinea pigs for both breeding and show in anticipation of the release of the movie "G-force" and believed the European cavies would give him a competitive edge.

The pups were reportedly turned over to the ASPCA for placement in foster homes until such time they could be safely adopted.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more