Gerbils: The Other White Meat

Funny story written by Jalapenoman

Tuesday, 25 August 2009

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The stars of the new movie G-Force were not pleased at the news

Researchers have determined that gerbils, hampsters, guinea pigs, mice, rats, and other rodents are high in essential vitamins and nutrients and may be the perfect food. Eight ounces of roasted gerbil meat contains all of the required ingredients to support a human body for 24 hours, and contains only 100 calories.

One drawback to this, however, is that 87 gerbils must be slaughtered just to obtain the required eight ounces of meat.

Cowboys were confused at the latest announcement, wondering how they were supposed to handle the small rodents. Tex Dawson of Amarillo, Texas said "how are we supposed to wrangle these things? Can you imagine gerbil roundups? Can we make lassoes that small? How are we supposed to fence them in, because barbed wire ain't gonna work."

"When we go out on round-up, do we have to run on hampster wheels too? On the trail, you sometimes cook over cowpies for firewood. How much rodent poop would you have to collect, and would you need a dustbuster on the trail to gather this? How many rodents would get killed just by getting stepped on by our horses?"

"Would you change the name of our football team to the Dallas Mouseboys? Would we spin tall tales about Mickey Mouse instead of Pecos Bill? Would our boots and saddles and belts and chaps be made out of mouse leather? There are just too many questions right now on this. I'm gonna have to think on this some."

Contrary to the beliefs of Richard Gere, however, gerbil meat should be eaten orally and cannot be absorbed through rectal insertion.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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