Richard Gere Now California's Biggest Gerbil Breeder

Funny story written by Throckmorton Turdblossom

Monday, 12 January 2009

image for Richard Gere Now California's Biggest Gerbil Breeder
No claws or teeth, but the whiskers might tickle a bit.

Actor Richard Gere has now gained the distinction of being the largest breeder of gerbils. The small animals are sold in pet stores for pets and as food for snakes and other reptiles. They are also used in scientific experiments and drug testing. Gere, however, has stated in the past that his gerbils also have another "recreational" purpose.

Petsmart spokesman Piers Robertson said that "Richard's gerbils are bred with a small hoop or loop in the base of their tail. This makes it easier to tie a string on them for tracking purposes and to help pull them out of tight places."

"These rodents are also born without any of the normal small claws that you would find on like animals in the wild. In other words, they cannot scratch you or your children. Their mouths also do not open far enough for them to bite anything not specifically placed into their mouths, which is also a comfort to pet owners and anyone else who may want to purchase this animal."

In addition to being the largest breeder of gerbils in the U.S., the Business Department of this publication confirmed that Gere is also largest consumer of gerbils.

Los Angeles area hospitals refused to confirm the previous statement due to non-discloser rights of patients and the freedom of information act.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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