Independence Air stretches its wings to the ‘Home of Golf'

Funny story written by Harry Porter

Thursday, 1 July 2004

image for Independence Air stretches its wings to the ‘Home of Golf'
On course for the Old Course in 2005?

ST ANDREWS, SCOTLAND - Independence Air is to spread its wings across the Atlantic next year with a unique $250 package deal to the British Open in St Andrews.

And it will mean living like a Scot, and with a Scottish family, inbetween checking out all the action on the historic Old Course.

The latest entrant in the low-fare airline industry aims to make its Dulles hub a stepping stone for thousands of Americans to visit the ancient ‘Home of Golf'.

But the no frills service from Washington to Scotland's Leuchars airfield promises to be exactly that.

The knockdown, bargain-basement prices, including five nights' accommodation with a porridge breakfast, have only been made possible by stripping away the usual trappings associated with air travel.

Sefton Delmer, Independence Air's European Co-ordinator, explained: "The Open in St Andrews is the pilgrimage that every golfer dreams of making - but it's a pricey one.

"What we've done is make that dream a reality and put it within reach of the ordinary Joe."

While Mr Delmer underlined his company's commitment to safety, luxury just doesn't figure on the agenda.

"The passengers will be responsible for checking each other's luggage and loading everything on to and off the plane, as well making sure the doors are properly closed." he added. "There will just be the pilot, co-pilot and 360 passengers, so they've got to look after themselves."

And that means food on the 12-hour flight as well, which Independence Air aims to handle through ‘collective catering'.

"When you get your ticket," Mr Delmer continued, "you will also be notified what you have to bring along to contribute to the spread - coleslaw, chips, potato salad, quiche, cold cuts, dessert, that sort of thing.

"Then the passengers can organize themselves a bumper buffet at 30,000 feet."

And with accommodation in the St Andrews area during the Open at a premium, what can the budget traveler expect?

"It'll be an eye-opener, that I promise," laughed Mr Delmer. "I guess we're rekindling the pioneering spirit of old.

"Passengers will live with real, down-to-earth Scotch families in the villages around St Andrews. There you can count on porridge, you can count on haggis and fries, but I wouldn't count on running water or flushing toilets!"

It is also possible passengers will have to make a donation to buy the fuel for the return journey and undertake a number of daily chores for the host families.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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