Khan's golf scores impress fans only

Funny story written by Frank Cotolo

Friday, 4 June 2004

image for Khan's golf scores impress fans only
Simon Khan's feats ignored by those who don't like golf.

NEWPORT, Wales -- England's Simon Khan equalled some kind of golf record by shooting a 9-under 27 through the first nine holes of the second round of the Wales Open and it was apparent that only people who followed golf very closely cared.

"That is sterling," said a British golf expert.

Many in the crowd watching the Wales Open were golf followers, so they knew what it meant for Khan to have one eagle and seven birdies over the first nine holes.

Khan finished with an 11-under 61 for the round, a statistic which eluded many non-golf fans. "I don't give a rolling American donut about any of it," said Sirus McAlpern. "I would rather be getting my scrotum removed than sit through one of those games."

Khan said he "felt pretty relaxed all day," and most golf fans agreed.

One golf journalist, however, said, "Khan seemed a little nervous." he said.

Khan shot a 3-under 69 in the opening round the day before, equally dull to people who were disinterested in the game, its history and Khan himself.

"A flamin' bore," said a man in a pub in York when asked about Khan and golf. "Now you think back to that golfer from Sweden, that Joakim Haeggman. He broke records on the Old Course at St. Andrews during the Alfred Dunhill Cup in 1997. Now that was golf."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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