Today in Washington George W Bush stated to a startled United Nations that he was going to war with a lawn bowling club in Scotland.
Looking much like a man reading from an auto cue President Bush read from an auto cue the following statement...
"Three score and five minutes ago i was handed a briefing on your establishments weapons of mass destruction programme. I find it a grave error on your part to to try to amass these weapons. Especially when you didn't buy them from us in the first place."
Mr Bush stopped briefly to sip at a glass of clear liquid, thought to be either vodka or gin and then continued reading the statement.
"I personally have to question why you didn't purchase from us as we have a special on Anthrax and Botulism spores in our spring sale. Call 1-800-we-want-nukes Monday to Friday 9am-5pm. The United States wish to make it clear that tin pot dictatorships will not be a threat to the American way of life and as such give you two days notice of a nuclear strike. Go on. Make My Day. i wanna push the big red button and turn Edinburgh radioactive for the next thirty years." Mr bush then thanked the press for coming, picked up his drink and his Buzz Lightyear doll and stepped back from the Whithouse dias to reveal a very fetching pair of Mickey mouse carpet slippers.
In a press conference a Mr Stewed Cocks, secretary of the Bowling and Social club said, "We are a peaceful club and have no weapons of mass destruction programme. The strongest chemical we have on our premises is beer line cleaning fluid and that doesn't get used very often judging by the beer quality."