Detroit,MI/ Car Crash News - In an unprecedented action President Barack "Hot Rod" Obama, effectively seized control of the world's largest automaker by forcing the current CEO to resign.
Car aficionados likened the action to Barney Frank taking the wheel of a 200 MPH race car at the start of the Indianapolis 500, not because he was qualified, but simply because "he could!"
Rick Wagoner, CEO of GM for 8 years, and a life long employee of the company for over 30 years was ousted during a weekend coup behind closed doors at the White House.
A White House spokesman, speaking on condition of anonymity, as he was not cleared to discuss automotive issues or executive purges, said Obama's staff was considering a host of unemployed Democratic family members who had an affinity for cars, and might be interested in designing GM's future generation of vehicles. The spokesman added that he anticipated the new cars would be designed by committee, and final versions would be vetted by House Speaker Nancy Pelosi.
Pelosi vowed that the new GM vehicles would be gender friendly, and simpler to use to comply with her new mandate that illegal immigrants would not be required to take driver's tests, or purchase liability insurance.
In keeping with the government now backing 125% of GM's warranty package, Pelosi tacked on an earmark insuring that the government, meaning you the taxpayer, would also pick up hospital and liability costs for any accidents caused by uninsured illegal aliens as well as Democratic Households of 12 or more below the $40,000 per year "poverty level", which made them eligible for a free government backed vehicle and free insurance coverage.
Ralph Nader, a vehicle rights activist, said the takeover by the President, would only make highway driving more dangerous than it already is, and cited Obama's father who was killed in a highway action while driving drunk somewhere in Africa, while fueled on Scotch.
House Ways and Means Chairman, Charles Wrangle (sic), backed by Jesse Jackson and Rev. Al Sharpton said in a joint statement that it was about time he auto industry recognized Black Auto Ownership Rights.
"All these years," said Sharpton,"the brothers had to go to the after market to Pimp their Rides, now this is an opportunity to get it right the first time, the auto industry has been white too long , disrespected us, and never reflected the unemployed Black Man's need to identify with his Ride as a status within the drug community!"
Attorney General Eric Holder announced today that Chris Rock would become the new national spokesman for GM and that Bill Cosby would be the spokesman for the one GM model specifically designed for aging White People.