In the 'Oh my GOD!' with hand covering mouth stakes, it doesn't come much more 'Oh my GOD!' than this.
This evening, teen queens Vanessa Hudgens and Brenda Song were abducted in broad lamplight by a pirate raiding party on Hollywood Boulevard, in full view of legions of adoring fans - who did nothing whatsoever to help!
Fortunately, teen heart throb Rob Pattinson was quick to rise to the challenge as he became aware of the girls' unsolicited abduction, and rushed to their aid, as they were forcibly pushed into a long black limousine by a pair of Siamese Twins, who reportedly bore a close resemblance to 'wanted' pirates of the high seas BuckwheatsButt and Percival Pissgums.
Pattinson, inspired by a sense of duty and responsibility toward the teen idols launched himself at the piratical Siamese twins with a hitherto unrecognised homicidal fury, with no regard for himself or his own safety.
Which proved to be a grave error of judgement.
Pattinson launched himself into a series of right and left hooks which pretty soon left him sprawling on the sidewalk in agony.
"Avast and have it at 'em!" reportedly snarled Buck as he landed a perfect right cross to the prefrontal cortex, a right cross which belayed the teen hero as effectively as had it been a harpoon strike.
Pattinson was heard to groan:
"Oh fuck, what did I just get myself into?" as he lost consciousness (ass mess)
"OOOH AAARRRGH OOOOH AAAARRRGH!!!" oogh arghed the Siamese twins as they screeched away from the curb with their captives...
More as we get it