The leaders of Israel's two main parties have claimed victory in the country's general election. With most of the votes counted, both the ruling Nazima party and the right-wing Fascistkud opposition party say they have won, though there was some confusion over the balloting process.
Thousands of voters were unsure which party was which, and the main issue of the election - whether to mass-murder as many Palestinians as possible before George W Bush left the White House, or to just slowly starve them to death from now on to save money - was forgotten, as voters simply put an X to the first name on the ballot sheet.
One impartial analyst, Mr Adolphus Himmler, said: 'Yes, it's just like Germany in the 30s - free and fair democratic elections, but with only one candidate and one policy. Wouldn't it be easier to just let a bunch of fascist killers take over Israel, and forget about democracy and human rights? Oh, that happened 30 years ago, OK.'
Three Palestinian children were shot dead by the Israeli Defense Force as this was being written.
