Written by Aspartame Boy

Thursday, 25 December 2008

image for Scientists Admit they have been Resurrecting Mummies with Aspartame
I am not a mummy. I tried to stop this.

GIZA, Egypt - [UPDATE 1] Dr. Gaspar T. Ameri, secret CIA agent, canceled his keynote address on Secrets of the Ancients to meet secretly with TheSpoof.com. Dr. Ameri explained that they have been, for the last 5 years resurrecting mummies, using a newly discovered technique.

The technique uses the DNA in the mummy and aspartame. Scientists discovered that if they first converted the cells to stem cells, and then back into the specialized cells related to the location of the remains, that the missing cells would all be provided by growth.

"We were so shocked to see King Tut walk and talk!!!", Dr. Ameri ejaculated.

Dr. Ameri continued, "Why, he seemed to remember everything about his time period. In fact, he thought he was still Pharaoh. He wanted me to bow down to him. It took a long time to bring him up to speed. Years.",

"So, where is King Tut how", I asked?

"You know him as Barack Hussein Obama.."

The next day I contacted Dr. Ameri again. I had a lot of questions.

He explained that once King Tut was up to speed, Barack Hussein Obama was replaced with King Tut. It was Hillary's idea.

About the birth certificate. It is not known where the Obama certificate is located, so one was prepared for the election process.

I then asked where was the real Barack Obama? He explained that Barack was vacationing in Florida under the witness protection program.

Why? Because, according to Dr. Ameri, having seen King Tut come to life, Barack was afraid of the consequences, and wanted to take a few years off to think about change.

I don't believe Dr. Ameri. I will be searching for the real Barack Obama, and his birth certificate.

I'm headed to the Cairo airport to interview the Australian man accused of smuggling mummies; the Australian man on the way to Hawaii to meet with Hillary. I have a tip that he may have the mummy of a Pharaoh, enough aspartame to bring it to life, and a blank birth certificate. I think he knows something.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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