Written by shea lo

Wednesday, 17 December 2008

image for World famous astrologer says "Stars foretell that Pakistan territory will end up being divided within 3 months because of its own calumnies"
Pakistani symbol of "peace"

LONDON - Famous astrologer Crystal Ballz says "things do not look good for Pakistan". Ms. Ballz is well-known for her famous predictions including the election of Barck Obama, the breakup of Madonna and Guy Ritchie and the birth of the Brangelina twins. Interviewed at an Astrology convention in North London she told reporters:

"Pakistan's in a bloody mess - the planetary influences bode extremely bad results. My readings show that the only reason why the Army-ISI tolerates Asif Ali Zardari as President is because they know he is not mentally fit to govern. Mars and Saturn show that the Army will give him a long leash to babble to the media then yank him in. A military coup is in the works and a pro-Taliban General will take over. Pakistan's nukes are not safe because the jihadis already have their hands on the key"

Ms. Ballz said "President Obama will have to be extremely careful in not allowing the Pakistanis to bamboozle him with the Kashmiri issue. The ordinary Kashmiris are coming to their senses by participating in elections . While they don't say nice things about India they have even less respect for the separatist cause or for the Paki Army"

She foresees the breakup of Pakistan within 3-6 months. "There will soon be a military coup which will break up Pakistan into bits and pieces. Rogue elements within the Army will ensure that the Taliban will rule what's left of Pakistan while militant groups will fight over the other fragmented territories. The jingoistic Paki press which is flapping its gums right now will be completely silenced; Zardari will flee to Abu-Dhabi and Sherry Rehman the overly-pancake-plastered, heavily made-up Minister for Dis-information and Broadcasting will pack her Louis Vuitton bags and flee to Mumbai in a rubber dinghy to seek a career in Bollywood"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Topics: astrology, Pakistan

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
60 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more