London, England. In disturbing news just emerging (ney, even breaking), Somali pirates have broken into St Mary's Hospital in Paddington and have kidnapped the newly born Prince of Cambridge after a short joust with hospital staff. It is believed...
The 158th annual boat race between Oxford and Cambridge was brought to a dramatic halt earlier today when the Oxford crew came under attack by a Somali Pirate submarine after it had suddenly surfaced a few yards in front of the Oxford rowing boat nea...
Better known for their lack of diplomacy, a group of Somalian Pirates have turned their focus from the high seas to the high courts. They contest that with vessels plying the waters around Somalia now all accompanied by armed guards, the navy or both...
Portsmouth - A ouija board reading at the Admiralty tonight voiced fears about the Brits' new kick-ass boat HMS Daring being seized by Somali pirates on Friday the 13th. The Type 45 destroyer left Portsmouth this morning bound for the turbulent, o...
I know what you're thinking, but its not the Somali Pirates they are interested in. No, the Disney franchise isn't being threatened either. Today the biggest and most dangerous center of piracy is none other than the internet. This week not just one but two competing bills are making their way through congress to sharply increase the powers of the US Government to combat these dangerous pirates. T...
A recent study released by Harfold State College confirms what many believed: the media has whipped us up into thinking that pirates have just recently come out of the woodwork. Similar to shark attacks, pirates have been around as long as there h...
In a cloud of diesel smoke and a hearty "Saddle Up and Head 'em Out", Barry Obama took to the open road on his 3 day political junket in a presidential cavalcade consisting of $3m worth of custom buses and a horde of support vehicles at taxpayer expe...
It has been revealed that the Democrats in the Wisconsin Senate who have ostensibly been in hiding to stall the collective bargaining vote are actually captives of Somali pirates. According to anonymous sources, the fourteen pro-union Senators were...
Indian Ocean - (Crude Stuff): They're being compared to Queen Elizabeth I's arson galleons that sunk the Armada and singed the King of Spain's pathetic little beard. The decoy craft will be packed with explosives and will detonate in the event of...
The World seemed a better place today as news filtered through that the UN Diplomat Rasta Mouse has agreed to speak to Somali pirates in an effort to stem the rise of piracy in the region. Speaking from his own Pirate-Radio station, Rough-Neck Tun...
Following another failed penetration of a wide bottomed South Korean tanker, Somali pirates were withdrawn from the tanker at the point of the breach and rendered harmless by South Korean forces. "Thankfully they were not fully prepared for the en...
LONDON - The couple who were released from the Somali pirates are relieved to be back home. After their 13-month situation, many theorists have come up with the story behind their so-called ordeal. "Well," said FourForFour, an internet theorist...
Mogadishu - (Praia da Iluzion Mess): The yachting couple said today they had read a story last year that the missing Rothley child had been seen aboard a boat 'in Mogadishu'. But Paul and Rachel Chandler refused to spill the beans ahead of the fo...
Mogadishu - (Stand & Deliver Mess): Are pesky Somali pirates really working for demented cash-strapped nutters - like Mrs Thatcher's son Mark? The reported $500,000 ransom paid for the Chandlers' release remains shrouded in mystery. However...
The Love Boat, which has been off our screens for twenty-five years, has been hijacked leaving Egypt. The documentary about the affairs of the heart that occurred on this boat was compulsive viewing during the late seventies and early eighties, but w...
Mega-wealthy Somali pirates are set to buy Manchester City from current owner Sheikh Mansoor. At an estimated cost of 500 million the pirate consortium lead by Captain Jamel Sparrow will take control of the club before the Manchester derby against...
DUBAI, UAE - A Chinese cargo ship was captured by Somali pirates last week off the coast of Somalia; however, unlike the German cargo ship seized days earlier and rescued by United States Marine forces, the Chinese cargo ship was released by the...
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