Moscow - (Plutonium 210 Mess): Russian Prime Monster Vlad 'The Impaler' Putin is planning his country's biggest UFO-nuking exercise since the Cuban missal (sic) crisis ordered by the Vatican in 1962.
The hardline Arctic Circle operation has been scheduled for October 12 following KGB reports that a pesky mothership keeps refuelling over Russian airspace, "sucking up precious Helium-3 deposits" owned by Moscow-based energy giant GazProm.
The the Stability-2008 strategic manoeuvres are timed to coincide with a nuclear warhead update for the country's fleet of sprightly Tu-160 Blackjack and Tu-95MS Bear-H strategic bombers.
"The Blackjack Bouvier aircraft carry sixty 12 Kh-55 long-range cruise missiles," a Kremlin military source said today, "and the Five Card Stud bombers, the TU-666-9/11s - up to 100."
Maria Sharapova is six weeks pregnant.