Hollywood,Ca./SF Times - Hold on to your Gonads, Kermit, the Voracious Miss Piggy is back, and she's as Horny as ever and ready to jump your bones and whup your ass!
Miss Pigathius "Piggy" Lee, star of the 70's-80's TV show The Muppets, announced she is coming out of retirement due to rekindled interest inflamed by smooth talking Presidential candidate Barack Obama and his innuendoes on national TV.
The lipstick diva of pig-dom became widely popular during a ten year run in the 70's where her designer gowns, bipolar disorder of being charming in public and physically abusive in private, and obsessive physical attraction to Kermit the Frog, served as a role model , some say, for certain Democratic female power brokers on today's political scene.
While in the past Miss Piggy said she was politically neutral, she said in her comeback speech she would be obligated to vote Democrat, thanks to her new fantasy candidate Barack Obama. "He just seems so Froggy to me" the porker sighed.
The Svelte Miss Piggy hinted at a few jowl lifts, nips and tucks, and a mite of liposuction for her new image. "I had gotten to the point in retirement, that if I had to haul ass, I would have had to make two trips. Even the pant suits weren't doing it for me anymore," she coyly said.
What's next for the Diva? "A few appearances on the campaign trail, some political action commercials, an MTV bit with Bill Clinton playing "Night Train" on his sax, and if things go right, an appointment to the Farm Bureau" she said modestly! "After all,"she added " who better to administer a Pork Barrel and Bring Home the Bacon!"