New events approved just in time for Beijing Olympics

Funny story written by Steddyeddy

Thursday, 12 June 2008

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Some of the props from the new Olympic "Brickthrowing" event

In a surprise move mere weeks before the start of the Olympic games in Beijing, the International Olympic Committee have announced the inclusion of some extra events to broaden the appeal for television watchers of the games throughout the world.

At a press reception held in Vienna, because it's a place many sporting journalists don't often get the chance to take a freebie to, Dr Jock Strappe detailed the new events to be included this year.

Dr Strappe is Chairman of the Olympic event watchdog "Newly Introduced Games Guardianship Event Registration", an organisation that can't use their acronym because it is obviously so unpleasant, but then again, what do you expect from something Austrian.

Speaking to journalists he said:

"We were delighted that these new events have made it in time for the 2008 Olympics. Only just, I agree, but still, they have nevertheless made it all the same.

"I know it doesn't give competitors much chance to practice and train, but it does give a greater opportunity for the playing of more out of tune and unrecognisable national anthems from countries we have never heard of as they win some of the greater number of medals now available through increased events."

The new events given the go-ahead for this year's Olympics are:

  • Long distance spitting
  • Catching the javelin
  • Heading the shot
  • Underwater hang-gliding
  • Brick-throwing
  • Shopping triathlon
  • Nose-picking hurdles
  • Head banging
  • Egg and Spoon

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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