In a surprise announcement today, resident psychologists at the White House declared President George W. Bush as sane.
Speaking from a nearby park bench, Dr. Josef Mengele said: 'We spent years analysing Mr. Bush, and conducted many, many tests on him. Some he failed, I admit - he couldn't drive a golf caddy without turning it over, and thought the Queen was 200 years old, and still speaks like he's four, but he did well in the rest, and we now pronounce him sane.'
Baffled journalists then interviewed Presidential candidates, to get to the bottom of what seemed like a ridiculous claim, and we asked Senator Hillary Clinton for her reacton. Mrs. Clinton, who had just finished a gruelling 2-hour face-pulling contest with her husband, said: 'This can't be true! What about when Mr. Bush went about holding up three fingers, and laughing like a baboon? No sane man would do that.'
But fellow Democrat, Barack Obama, disagreed: 'I had my doubts when I heard, I mean, he had been acting like an escaped schizophrenic patient for a long time, but if the doctors say he's sane, he's sane.'
Political analysts are now wondering if John McCain will be declared sane, as his obviously eccentric behaviour and weird statements are not those of a normal person, but it is unlikely the American public would want a sane Republican President. And one source said: 'This may well end Mr. Bush's career. When he was acting weird, and belly-dancing, and doing world-important interviews at the same time as playing golf, he was popular. And even when he was acting like some sort of brain-damaged monkey, choking on pretzels, and mispronouncing half his words, he still had high ratings. But now he may have to find a new career, such as being his father's shoe-shiner.'
From Britain, PM Gordon Brown said: 'We fully accept Mr. Bush's sanity, and no longer think he's an alcoholic with a drug problem, who couldn't pick his nose without somebody's help.' And former Prime Minister Tony Blair, added: 'Will you marry me, George?'
Cherie Blair is rich.
